Many months later......

I have made the decision to make my new blog public.  The one I wrote last September.  Don't read it unless you decide that your life will change.  That will be because if you know me, well you will know that I NEVER questioned God as the foundation in my life.  That is until everything was turned upside down/inside out. Don't read it unless you can handle extreme truth.  And prepare yourself to think differently about me.  I now carry an emotional, dirty little sign around.

If you read the blog from last year, you will understand why I shut down my life and my facebook account.  Why I torn down all of my happy Mary Engelbreit pictures.  Why I ate Krispy Kreme Donuts constantly and gained (and lost) about 20 pounds. Why my family will never be the same.  We moved, we escaped as best we could. 

I have gone through tons of therapy and most of what happened has been stored in different places of my brain.  I don't live it or dream about it anymore. I am back to normal, except for my faith.  I am having to build my faith in God again.  The way I built it as a child, brick by brick, by memorizing hymns and songs and singing them constantly to myself.  Lately, I have been able to sing again.  Since the "incident" I have been listening to Lady Gaga,  Pink, Imenim, Lady Antebellum.  If you know me you will think, "what is wrong with this woman!"  Lady Gaga?  What happened to Marcy Me and U2?  I am getting there.  They are from a past life and I feel nauseous when thinking back that far. 

I was so arrogant and thought I knew what trauma was.

Now, I live day-to-day and hour-by-hour.  Life has been this way for me for years due to my medical history, but now it is even more "in the moment" and not thinking about what is for dinner tomorrow.  I don't even know what is for dinner tonight!